The Power Of ADHD
Having ADHD can be highly stressful, as it might feel like we’re not in control of our own decisions or actions. It can feel like having a 3 year old child in charge of my brain, doing or saying things that I look back on in disbelief, trying to stuff the words back into my mouth. I heard someone once speak about the ‘holding space’ in your brain where you think about what you say before you do it, and burst out laughing.
It can feel like you’re unable to trust yourself or your decisions. I used to wake up every day terrified of what I’d do by the time I went to sleep - from setting up a new business to moving country, or signing up for a new hobby I wouldn’t want to do next week. I ended up paying £400 to see a psychiatrist because I was trying to force myself to NOT spontaneously move to Mexico as I’d found cheap tickets!
However, when you know how to harness this impulsivity, it can be pretty awesome. When you stop being afraid of it, and start leaning into it, giving yourself the space to tap into your intuition and listen to your gut instinct, it can be a huge positive.
Many neurotypical people will stay in lives that don’t make them happy, because they’ve ‘done all the work to get there’. In contrast, having ADHD means we may change the course of our lives several times, because we live with authenticity, passion, joy, and happiness. Impulsivity isn’t always necessarily a bad thing.
Our world conditions us to believe we should pick 'one' career, niche, hobby, or life: but diversity is what makes us unique. If we all lived exactly the same 'normal' lives, there would be no creativity, innovation, or connecting up all of the dots.
If I hadn't modelled at the same time as studying law, and impulsively strolled into a client's office to ask if I could do work experience there, the Model Manifesto book wouldn't exist, and neither would the Government's working group to tackle exploitation across all of the creative industries. If I hadn't spontaneously decided to write ADHD: an A to Z, because I couldn't find any information that made sense to me, I wouldn't be writing this to you now.
I ran the first ever ADHD retreat this weekend, because of exactly this: an impulsive thought. As I sat in this thought played out in real life, surrounded by people who said how life changing this thought had been for them, how it helped them to embrace their ADHD and see it as empowering, instead of limiting, I said a secret thank you to my impulsive nature.
At its core, impulsivity it what it means to be human: acting on instinct. It’s the world around it that distorts this: deliberately addictive sugar, drugs or alcohol, scenarios where we have to ‘play by the rules’, where we have to stuff ourselves into office cubicles and look at screens for the entire day, manipulating us to act out our impulses through spending and scrolling.
In this sense, impulsivity can be extremely dangerous: combined with the emotional dysregulation of ADHD, its little wonder that the suicide rate is 5 times higher for people with ADHD, or that 1 in 4 women have attempted suicide. If you feel trapped, alone, and like there’s no way out, this can seem like the ‘power off’ mode.
Running this ADHD retreat reminded me of the value of my own impulsivity. I was asked whether I’d take ADHD away, if I had the chance, and I don’t think I would. If I’d been diagnosed as a teenager, I would have most likely lived an extremely boring life as an adult. I wouldn’t have made as many stupid decisions, saw as much of the world, experienced as many different cultures or wacky stories. There would be approximately zero books (instead of 3), because I would have been able to better stick to what I knew was ‘sensible’.
For about 6 years, my word of the year was ‘stability’: I was desperate for it. I wanted nothing more than to fit in, be normal, get an office job, live in a place for more than 1 year, have a relationship that didn’t end in an explosion of flames, to build a life that would stop feeling like a rollercoaster I had zero control over.
Looking back, everything has happened exactly as it was supposed to: being diagnosed at 25 has meant I was able to experience this ‘stability’ after experiencing the rollercoaster. If I’d never been on the horrific rollercoaster of being so terrified of my own thoughts, maybe I would question what else was ‘out there’, dream about moving abroad or starting up new ideas. Having experienced this, I know the value of both sides: of finding a life that can feel fun, authentic, and creative, whilst not chucking it all away every month to start all over again.
Learning about ADHD and my brain’s impulsive nature has meant I can pre-empt it, and catch it. I know how to access ‘wholesome’ dopamine, like playing football or doing aerial yoga, but importantly, also, how to regulate it. I set myself short-term goals that I have to complete before saying yes to other ideas. I have coaching to help me stay accountable, and processes set up around me to make me less vulnerable to manipulation or addictions, from having social media apps deleted off my phone, to taking medication that gives me enough stimulation to feel calm each day. Most importantly, now I get to have self-compassion, instead of endlessly beating myself up.
I can spot the ideas popping up, like an ADHD fashion label, or running a new course EVERY SINGLE MONTH, but now I get to stay in charge of my brain. The retreat is the perfect example of ADHD impulsivity as a ‘superpower’: the ability to act on my ‘scary’ ideas before thinking (important!), but in a way that makes sense to me.
We sold out the retreat within a month, and it was one of the best experiences I have ever had. To be in a house of people who think exactly the same way I do, and to see the energy, creativity, compassion wild intelligence, and ideas that flow from these people reminded me of how it is only society that conditions us to see these aspects as ‘a disorder’. They went along with every single impulsive idea I had, from life drawing to head banging on the beach, swimming in the ocean in October to writing themselves letters.
ADHD might be called a ‘disorder’, but the chaos, excitement, and pure joy that it brings into our lives, regardless of age or profession or situation, is something to celebrate.
To join the ADHD course, head here.