10 ways to manage others & yourself when you have ADHD
'If you want your organisation to grow, let go.'
Less than 1 year ago, I 'officially' set up ADHD Works. People with ADHD are 300% more likely to set up our own companies, probably because we are ideas machines.
Over the last year I've been able to turn all of my wildest dreams into realities, from ADHD coaching, creating courses (including the first ever on Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) helping hundreds of people around the world, presenting to the World Health Organization, not only training DISNEY, but creating them their own ADHD Champions programme, running the first ever ADHD retreat, training over 50 ADHD coaches and more.
When I was a child, I wanted to run a theme park, and that's exactly what running ADHD Works is like. Ultimately, it's a creative job.
However, unfettered creativity can lead to chaos - especially if we've got ADHD. Having a Ferrari brain with bicycle brakes means we need to learn how to pass our driving tests at a minimum, otherwise we'll constantly end up crashing.
Here's how I've learned to manage myself and others as an ADHD entrepreneur:
1) Ask for - and learn how to receive - help
Before Access to Work funded Beth Lewis as my virtual assistant, my life was non-stop chaos. I was trying to juggle modelling for Next every week with coaching far too many people and writing the Reality Manifesto book, whilst navigating the breakdown of a relationship and finding somewhere to live. Things as simple as setting up a zoom call would take me hours, and I'd often forget about them when the time came!
I'd had 2 virtual assistants before, but fired them due to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I felt guilty telling them what to do, and frustrated not knowing whether they'd done it or not - so I just did it myself.
Luckily, the universe sent me Jacqueline McCullough as a coach, who helped me to figure out effective systems and ways of working with Beth. Having a coach to help get these strategies set up and running is life changing.
ADHD Works wouldn't work without Beth - I'd still be trying to set up my zoom calls instead of actually doing anything!
Having support in the areas you need help allows you to use your strengths and focus on all of the shiny bright ideas, safe in the knowledge that someone else will make sure they happen. This is why our ADHD Works Coach training method focuses on self-awareness and strengths, to help ADHD-ers set up working environments where they can thrive.
2) Learn about your ADHD & explain this to others
When we understand how ADHD can show up for us specifically, we can explain this to others. Being vulnerable enables the people we work with to do the same, and be pro-active in understanding where we may need extra support from them.
For example, I'm often asking Beth to help me with seemingly random tasks and decisions, but she understands it's because sometimes I just need a quick external answer, no questions asked.
This is incredibly helpful when starting to work with someone else in a management context, as I recently explained to our 30 new student coaches after creating multiple different opportunities for them to practice on the course! I explained my ADHD means I want to chase as many ideas as possible, but they do NOT have to do anything except turn up to class and do the lessons. 😅
This also helps us handle the Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria involved in trusting people to understand and help us, and especially that they won't get offended if we give them feedback or change our minds constantly.
Explaining that I've got a brain that will always highly appreciate anything Beth does, but might not always remember something exists after I've delegated it to her, was important for us to know that I need her to highlight her needs and priorities to me! It's essentially communicating: please don't take anything personally, my brain is prone to speaking and acting before thinking!
Finding someone who can keep up with our whizzy brains is important to ensure they don't get frustrated - I think Beth thrives on the fact that no day is ever the same, and she's always learning something new!
3) Set up systems, processes & communication routines
When Beth and I started working together, we had zero 'systems' to see all of our work on. Jacqueline McCullough helped us to build, and actually use, a personalised Notion system which was incredible to use just ONE platform. This inspired an exercise called 'Second Brain' within our ADHD Works Coaching Method, as it relates to our executive functioning skill of organisation and memory.
Essentially, things need to be as simple as possible. Every ADHD-er will have 100s of apps, to-do lists, diaries, calendars (I met someone recently with FIVE calendars they try to use on a daily basis) - but the best one is the one we actually use.
As ADHD Works grew so quickly, we found Saskia Mardi to build us a new incredible ClickUp backend system that saves us hours each week. Saskia went through every part of the business with me to collaborate on 'standard operating procedures', which our backend system helps us to actually stick to.
Creating SOPs has been a year-long procrastination task, because things are constantly changing. However, having some fundamental processes that stay the same, and someone to help you stay accountable to using these, is extremely important when working with others.
This also goes for communication methods. I used to send Beth information on a variety of platforms - emails, various Notion pages, text, whatsapps - but it's impossible for other people to work with us properly if we're firing information at them whenever and however it pops into our head. Manager Leanne Scaletta explained to us how having an open communication line with Kimi Wright for quick questions helped them to have a highly effective relationship in our podcast on how managers can best support ADHD.
By having just ONE main way, and being okay with a bit of practice and flexibility to embed this habit in our minds, we can start living by the processes we need instead of trying to force ourselves into unachievable processes (and remember what they are!). Beth and I also talk every day, which is super helpful for us to run through any 'quick fire' questions, and to help train her in how my brain works - Beth is literally my second brain!
4) Identify your goals and priorities
Having ADHD means we might want to do EVERYTHING, all at the same time. The 30% developmental delay in executive functioning skills means we can struggle with prioritising and decision making, especially when we're in charge.
Having coaching helped me to actually get clear on what I wanted from my life long term (e.g not modelling!), which allowed me to work backwards and focus on short term priorities. Setting myself 3 month goals was incredible, as anything else I had to put on the ideas backlog. I still have 'if it's not a 'hell yes', it's a 'not now', on my fridge.
This helps us to revisit ideas later on and decide if it's something we still want to do - I haven't gotten around to the ADHD fashion line yet, but I am writing a new book! Taking things one at a time helps us to avoid boredom and ensure these are things we actually want to be doing, which can be especially helpful for those of us who struggle with thinking ahead to the future. I try to keep these in a place I'll see them every day as a reminder (hello memory challenges!), such as on my wall. As above, sharing these with the people we work with is crucial to ensure we actually stick to them - and that we're all on the same page.
We train our coaches to use a simple exercise to do this with ADHD-ers, and importantly, the skills to help them get the most out of it. Having someone to challenge you on what you think your goals should be, versus what you truly want, and help to get very specific about these things, is incredibly valuable. I recently coached someone on this who is now half way through writing an incredible book!
5) Notice how you spend your time (and self-sabotage!)
We train ADHD coaches on using an executive functioning framework that focuses partially on the ways ADHD-ers solve problems, because we're often subconsciously self-sabotaging ourselves without even realising it.
For me, chasing 100 ideas at the same time is self-sabotage. Others may believe they need to have 10k followers before daring to do anything they want to do, or they might change their business idea every week. Some people may avoid actually 'closing' any deals where they'd be paid for their work. When I started coaching, I was constantly on new introductory or networking calls instead of following up leads.
These things are often rooted in Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or a fear or failure. Being extremely clear on how you will do the things you want to do, instead of generically posting on social media, for example, helps you to avoid this self-sabotage. Exposing yourself to rejection by throwing yourself into potential failure and mistakes, enables you to learn - quickly.
To overcome this, start tracking how you spend your time. Get clear on the things you're doing that you don't really need to be doing, and start doing things every day that will make you money first - because you need to be paid to survive! Having a coach to help you stay accountable to this can be extremely helpful, as you can start to identify what you don't need or want to be doing.
6) Delegate tasks with clear instructions
Delegation is probably one of the hardest things for an ADHD-er to do. Understanding what's in our own mind and communicating this to someone else, trusting that they understand it and will do it to the same possibly unrealistic expectations we hold ourselves to, is hard.
The secret is giving them things to do in line with the above: once you know what's most useful for you to spend your time doing, and what they could be doing, then you can delegate tasks in a way that makes sense. To make delegation fun, identify the tasks someone else could help you with, or those you don't enjoy doing - and give them to someone else!
Explaining what, who, where, and when things need to happen is an easy way of delegating work. For ADHD-ers who struggle with concepts of time and deadlines, we might want to instead set a 'priority' level for tasks, or work in weekly blocks of time. Having these instructions written down somewhere is really important to ensure everybody is clear on what needs to happen.
Delegating means not doing the work yourself. This is something I really struggle with, but I've had to keep reminding myself that it's actually unhelpful for me to pop up at group coaching 'just to help'. Delegating things in small chunks, such as one task at a time, can help with building trust and restraining ourselves from doing it anyway, even if we have to stick a reminder on our wall!
Having a coach can be extremely helpful to get clear on the best ways to do this for you - and stick to them!
7) Understand the motivations of others: lead, don't manage!
Coaching skills can be extremely helpful to understand what the people we work with want out of their working life. The number 1 priority to me in running ADHD Works is that it's a fun, happy place to work where people can be 100% themselves and use their strengths.
I'm often coaching people I work with, because I want to ensure they're as happy as possible. Our working world can easily assume people are only motivated by money and status, but often it's things like learning, work-life balance, confidence, skills, community, and more.
As a manager, you can help others to identify some key goals they want to achieve within their job, setting their own working environment instead of only being told what to do. This creates an empowering working culture for everyone, where they feel valued and heard, instead of part of a cog in a machine. This is essentially leading: helping people move to a place they otherwise wouldn't have been, instead of managing: controlling the process and outcomes.
I find this especially important in 'corporate' cultures, where standard goals like 'run a team meeting' or 'complete X project' in personal development reviews may not truly resonate. If you can help someone to find something they're actually excited about, even if it's a bit outside of the box, such as setting up a podcast or exploring new ways of doing things, you can motivate them to truly engage with their work. It's all about the why.
8) Have a flexible mindset - with boundaries!
When I ran the first ADHD Works coaching training course, I hoped that maybe 10 people would join. Instead, we had 25. My ADHD brain thought it'd be sensible to let them ALL coach with us, as we had a waiting list of 200+ people at the time (now 500+, but we're working through it!).
However, I quickly realised that we didn't have the back end systems or resources in place to support 25 new coaches. A few months down the line, we're now much better placed, and have 6 in house coaches busy supporting our clients, but this was an important lesson to not run before I could stand. We're now training 30 new coaches, and have the capacity to take on a few more 'in house' at the end of the summer, but we've learned what we need to have in place on the back end for this to happen.
Instead of following what I 'thought' I should do in terms of hiring, I found specific people with specific skill sets we needed. I attempted to hire a manager a few months ago, with 80 applications in 3 days. At the final moment, I realised that this actually wasn't what we needed - it was what I thought we 'should' have. By creating a culture where everybody understands and is motivated to do what they need to do and ask for help when needed, a manager isn't necessary - they're managing themselves.
By trying things out, making mistakes, and learning lessons, I've been able to get clear on what we do need - and repeat the above process with each person that joins our team.
9) Let go: trust!
This is the hardest part of delegating and managing others with ADHD. It's all down to your ego, and realising that if other people come on board, then what's the role for you? If other people are encouraged to fail and learn from their mistakes, what does this mean for your super high standards of perfectionism?
Especially when we have ADHD, this comes down to trust. I have had to trust myself to learn from my own mistakes in stepping on people's toes, and to trust myself to not to completely reorganise the company on a whim. I've had to trust myself to be able to imperfectly communicate what's going on in my brain, and to trust others to receive that.
Trusting others is scary in any context, but especially when it's your creative baby. However, it's also the beautiful part about sharing this with others, and seeing it grow.
I recently I realised that I am ADHD Works' biggest problem. My passion for super high quality ADHD coaching, with mega happy coaches and clients was holding the company back from being able to grow, because I was trying to keep everybody happy. The super high standards I set for myself are impossible for anybody to replicate at the same level, because they need to experience the lessons for themselves. My support can only go so far.
I imagine this is what parents feel like when their children grow up. Letting go of control and perfection from ADHD Works has enabled me to grow it into a team, a family of people who are all as passionate and dedicated to our mission as I am. These include coaches, but also other people with marketing, general chaos organising & finance skills. The way I've managed them has been to finally get clear on what I want, but give them the freedom to tell me how to make it happen - and to let them do it!
10) REALLY let go
Having ADHD, my brain is very 'all or nothing'. It's been interesting to watch how I've set up our in house coaches to run group coaching & coaching practice sessions for our students, but I'll still hover nervously online, 'just in case'.
Everybody has their areas, but I'll still catch myself barging in and replying to an email if it hits an area I'm passionate about. Or answering questions at 11pm about how important it is to look after your wellbeing. Or reacting impulsively to feedback from people and impulsively creating new offerings and courses as a result. These chops and changes are are literally impossible for myself to remember, let alone anybody else!
Realising you are the bottleneck, and understanding that your best attempts to 'help' are actually hindering everything, is quite confronting. However, realising this, pausing, and setting up processes to artificially 'brake' your own actions can release the pressure. For the first time ever, I've turned off my emails, so now Beth has sole view and responsibility over them (instead of me doubling up on her work for no reason!).
I turned off my back-end notifications, so I can't emotionally and impulsively react to feedback immediately. I created a process with Beth where she tells me what I need to know, and the questions she can't answer, and I answer them.
The secret to REALLY letting go is being okay with not being needed or 'busy'. I have a restless mind with an urge to constantly be creating, so I've found myself back where I started: writing a book about ADHD.
This time, the book is about ADHD coaching, and everything I've learned since setting up ADHD Works. I'm funnelling the 1008900284 questions I answer every day about ADHD coaching into this book, and all of my passion for wanting to help as many people as possible support each other with these skills.
The last year has been incredibly busy with non-stop courses, training, and activities, but I'm really excited to pause and reflect on this. In the meantime, ADHD Works seems to be looking after itself!
If this resonates with you, find something else to fill your time with other than work. Find some way of putting all of your well-intentioned care and passion back into yourself, of pausing, enjoying your life, and finding things to do that aren't hovering around 'just in case'. Know that you are enough, empower other people to believe the same, and see the magic that happens as a result.
👋 If you want to learn how to support your ADHD colleagues, you can join our ADHD Champions course launching 1 July here.
🫶 To become an ADHD Works coach in April, head here.