Surviving & Thriving with Late Diagnosed ADHD

I’m Ellie, a 48-year-old late diagnosed ADHD-er who’s recently trained to be an ADHD coach.

Why? Because I after 20 years running my own recruitment business, I want to shift my focus onto something I am truly passionate about. 

My diagnosis was a game changer. It allowed me to accept who I am and to stop hating myself for doing stupid things - such as throwing my brand-new air pods in the bin and booking 2 (yes 2) flights in the wrong month.

Don’t get me wrong, I still feel frustrated with myself at times, but just knowing I have a valid reason as to why I sometimes “mess up” really helps. My brain is different to most people in my life (‘neurotypicals’), so I am not to blame. It’s just who I am. I am happy and at peace with myself and would like to help other ADHDers to feel the same.

So, who am I?

I have been married, divorced and am now remarried. 

I had cervical cancer in 2008 aged 29 - resulting in infertility and a whole lot of upset, as I saw my younger sister and most of my friends have babies. 

I have owned and run my own recruitment business (and a few other businesses) for 20 years. 

I impulsively applied and ended up appearing on 2011 series of “BBC The Apprentice”.

I now live with my 2nd husband, step-son, daughter and dog. Thankfully life in my 40s is much calmer than it was in my teens, 20s and 30s, but I still have struggles.

I massively suffer from RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria), and the need to “people please”, which has affected both my work and personal life. 

In general, I am untidy, forgetful, disorganised and often say the wrong thing…at the wrong time. 

In my career, I have struggled with all the above along with time blindness, procrastination, oversharing, overcommitting, overpromising, lack of concentration and lack of attention to detail.

In my personal life, I’ve had both relationship and friendship issues - due to expecting too much, being too direct and honest and having a strong sense of equality and fairness. Binge drinking at weekends probably didn’t help either!

I sometimes struggle with parenting. I feel I am pretty good most of the time (I am fun, caring, kind and have a lot of love to give), but my hatred of lying, cheating in games, and my overly high expectations to be a good human can result in an OTT reaction at times.

Then throw menopause into the mix, and you could argue I am one hot mess of a person - but I don’t.  

Instead, I see myself as one of lives survivors.

I feel I am a good role model for the ADHD/AuDHD community (if I do say so myself).

Despite the setbacks in life, and my short comings, I feel like I have succeeded in both my work and my personal life. I would say I am very happy with who I am and the life I have. As an ADHD coach my aim is to help others achieve the same as me.

My ADHD Story

I was an 80/90s child, which was a time when ADHD just wasn’t a thing - at least I’d never heard of it, especially not for girls, and too many E numbers were to blame for boys running around. My school reports were always along the lines of me being bright and enthusiastic, but with the caveat that I chatted too much and didn’t listen properly (true but only in certain subjects – the ones I deemed to be boring). I would often forget to do my homework, or in most cases I did it but then left it at home. I would be the first to stand up for someone, and often argued with friends and teachers about things I didn’t agree with, due to my very strong sense of fairness.

I changed my options frequently, in terms of GCSEs and A Level subjects at school and at university (dropping out of Sociology at Newcastle Uni, to do Psychology at Sheffield Hallam a year later). During my adolescence I was popular, as I had lots of friends within different groups. I would go to parties and would drink a lot (constantly craving excitement). I wasn’t great with boyfriends - I got bored easily. I was very lucky to hang out with nice, clean friends, at both school and uni. So, although I’ve tried most drugs, I never got into them on a regular basis - it could have been a much different story if I had a different set of friends. I struggle to say “no”.

I loved my Psychology degree, but I didn’t want to train further. I wanted to go into sales, as I knew I was good at “talking the talk”. After a vigorous interview process, I was one of 20 to be accepted on the Cadburys Graduate Scheme, which sounded amazing (especially the endless chocolate supply) but it turned out to be a pretty lonely job -driving a van around the country wearing a purple fleece trying to flog the lines that didn’t sell. I needed to be with people. To feel part of a team. So, I left just 3 month later, to join a construction recruitment agency (I didn’t even know what recruitment was but it sounded fun).

I loved temporary recruitment as it is largely hard sales, which I excelled in. I would spend my days cold calling site managers trying to win business (both over the phone or by just turning up on the building site). It was great but my manager wasn’t. I regularly got shouted at for being  stupid, thick and useless (for small things such as quoting things in slightly the wrong way, or spelling something wrong). I moved recruitment agencies several times. I met my first husband during this time. 

In 2004 me and my friend (who’s also most likely ADHD) set up a construction recruitment agency from scratch – a massive risk, but one that paid off. My then husband thought I was mad leaving a well-paid job, but I ignored him and did it anyway. A couple of years later we started another company (a construction cleaning subcontractor). Both businesses were highly successful, with 7 office staff and around 100 men on site, turning over £2.5Mil between them.

I got married in the summer of 2006 and was diagnosed with cervical cancer just 3 months later, which resulted in me having a hysterectomy, something I have only just forgiven myself for.

In 2011 I decided to apply to go on The Apprentice, and after several interviews I got on! I enjoyed 5 weeks of crazy tasks, ruthless boardrooms and finally getting fired. It was a great experience, but I’m not sure I would recommend it to other ADHDers - just because of the awful photos and twitter trolling I received after it. Being told I had “a face like a thumb”, or being referred to as “that fat one with the annoying voice from the north”, didn’t do wonders for my RSD (I had hundreds of lovely comments, but of course, I focused on the terrible ones). 

Shortly after this experience, I parted company with my old business partner and left my first husband. 

I set up my own recruitment consultancy recruiting recruiters (if you can get your head around that). During this time, I was going “out out” a lot, as I didn’t have kids or a steady partner. After a couple of years on the dating scene (plenty of ADHD related tales to be told there) I met my second (and hopefully final) husband on Plenty of Fish, I inherited a little boy, and he inherited a mad cocker spaniel. We now also have a daughter. Our life was, and still is, chaotic but full of love.

I discovered I was peri menopausal during covid and am now full menopausal (which turns out not to be a good combo with ADHD) I then got diagnosed with ADHD as an adult a couple of years later. Thankfully I am now on medication for both, which seems to be working.

In 2024 I lost all 3 members of staff (one I let go and the other two set up on their own). I felt RSD big time! I tried wfh doing recruitment, but it just didn’t excite me anymore. I didn’t feel I was changing people’s lives or helping them enough – which is where I get my real buzz. I saw Leanne’s course on LinkedIn and impulsively signed up, to start the next day!

Coming out as being ADHDer to my parents has been hard. It’s something that many of their generation (mid 70s) don’t really get. They are both lovely people who I have a great relationship with but at times they have made me feel silly, and unheard. They didn’t agree or support me leaving my successful recruitment business, in which I felt I was drowning, to train to become an ADHD coach.  

My personal life has been difficult at times – I often saying the wrong thing, at the wrong time, to the wrong people (especially when I have drunk too much).

My career has been largely a success, but I put that down to it being my passion, so therefore my hyper-focus. However, I still struggle with invoicing, paying people, remembering meetings, things I have promised etc.

Day to day can be a struggle – losing phones, keys, laptop leads, getting times wrong or putting them in the wrong day/month or even year in my calendar!

This can also look like forgetting lunch dates/parties/hen dos etc, putting card details incorrectly and clicking the wrong drop-down boxes (I sent my bridesmaid dresses to Zimbabwe)!

But despite these setbacks, I have learnt to be kind to myself. I now focus on my strengths, rather than spending time dwelling on my shortfalls. It seems to be working well for me, and so I’m now keen to help others to do the same.

I have always lived by the mantra that you only get one life, so don’t waste your time with the wrong person or in the wrong job.

I believe this to be particularly the case with those who are neurodivergent. If you have the wrong people in your life (at work and/or at home), you could easily be made to feel useless and/or worthless. If your partner, family, friends, boss or work colleagues just don’t get you, then it often results in you feeling low self-worth.

If you’re constantly told you need to “try harder” , or ridiculed for being messy, unorganised or forgetful, this can add to it.

ADHD coaching is all about understanding the highs and lows, acceptance, and feeling the confidence to drop the mask - so you can focus on moving forward.

I know that if I am passionate about something I go “all in”. And I am now going ‘all in’ as an ADHD Coach.

Book a free chat in with me here to get started with ADHD coaching.
Ellie Kay - the Key 2 ADHD